Our Tenacity is Beyond Our Pain

Translated by; Aishah Barazi

Dear Ahmad…

Nothing much has changed since you left two months ago except that we are celebrating the second anniversary of the revolution without you. Some of your close friends have also left to where you are resting right now. Anyhow, I don’t really need your news.

The daily mortality rate is still increasing and the sorrows as well. We are no longer aware if we have adapted to death all around us or we have just lost the sense of it. Maybe it is our tenacity that gives us the ability to keep the company with death. The rockets and missiles are still falling at the towns and cities like a dragon’s puke; excluding “Scud” missiles, they are all the same in numbers as well as the way they fall and explode. A “Scud” missile goes through a long journey before it arrives, media activists even have the chance to report its launch and later its fall bypassing cities with all their hopes and tragedies. Once a Scud missile falls, it swallow the entire area then spit it up from its deep pungent hollows in a form of massive destruction. I know that you do not need this explanation of “Scuds” but I just wanted to put you in the picture of our latest updates!

Many friends have decided to leave Syria lately whereas others decided to move to the liberated areas. One day, Damascus will be liberated, oh Abo Jabir, and friends from all over the world will come to compensate for their homesickness in addition to our own loneliness without them. Up until now, that day does not seem to come soon. Even the thought of its coming terrifies me, my selfishness terrifies me to see another city turning into ruins. At any rate, the decision is not ours.

Our disputes and conflicts are still the same. They might have developed recently. In the beginning, the revolution showed the best that lies in us, however by time, it started to show the worst with an astonishing synchronization. Not to blame anyone. Do you remember your state before leaving.. This is the state of all of us right now. Angry and tired yet pretending to live. We feel that destruction has built many levels above us and we don’t know what to do to confront it. Shall we live with it? Shall we suffocate slowly? Or should we make a hole in the multilevel ceiling?

We do not get mad or show our resentment. You know that our tenacity is far beyond our pain, or maybe it nurtures on it. You also know that I cannot overcome my peevish attitude though there is always something to make us feel the breeze of happiness. Your friend Ala’a still steadfast in Dael city, he does not get bored from lifting the sign that says: “We are Staying Here” moving it from the ruins of one home to another and taking pictures. Ala’a is amazing, and what teases me that he does not get tired or desperate not even for a second. As if freedom were a few seconds away from him and all of us! He criticizes me for becoming grumpier and makes me feel that we have just started yesterday. Osama from Daraya city continues to criticize the armed rebels and their mistakes, he gives sense and rationale to everything and negotiating with him is still the best thing that could happen to an exhausted activist. Jalal and Adel are sending their regards to you and they are just the same as you have left them. Jasmine has finally achieved her dream and entered Syria. Abo Assi has kept your photo as his profile picture and all the young men and women at the revolution’s office are still there. No matter how harsh we are on each other, we cannot continue this unless we are together.

Now, it is your turn my friend, can you update us a little about you and those who joined you lately? Is the view clearer at your end than it was here? From where I am standing, the view is foggy, I’m only seeing your faces and shadows from the dream we all started with.